When I say I understand,... I really do.

I always say I understand how tough it can be. It is hard to finally look down at yourself, know that you are not happy but still not have the willpower to do anything. It is difficult to find the right first step to take so that you don't end up feeling like a failure and quitting before you really even get started. Then it is a whole different challenge to understand how you are to make yourself keep going without getting bored, overworked or worse - injured. When I say I understand all these, .... I really do. Because I feel like I let myself go - I let myself get to how I am today. Because I work all day and I don't always feel like it. Because sometimes getting started is the hardest first step to make, and it doesn't always go the way you envisioned. Everyday is a challenge. When I say I understand, .... I really do.

Today, though, was a break through of my own. Today I was not some supernaturally gifted fitness professional. Today I was a girl, walking a circuit with my little hand weights in search of the person I am under all these layers of laziness decisions. My first decision was to convince myself to squeeze in my workout before nightfall because I have a full schedule today. My second decision to change as quickly as possible as soon as I got back home so I couldn't change my mind. My third to actually walk out the door and start my circuit. Making my circuit (which is 1/2 mile) 4 times over to make up 2 miles, while switching from walking to jogging to walking again every 1/4 mile. My clincher today, making the full 2 miles.

I am sweaty, I am sore, but I am better for it.  It doesn't matter who you are or where you started. It just matters that you do. When I say I understand how difficult it is to drag yourself out there and finish what you started ... I really do. Because today was my struggle.

Fall down eight times, Get up nine.

Q (my wonderfully amazing fiance) and I have been gradually converting our eating habits and training habits. This alone makes me so proud, it is never an easy task changing what we eat. Our plan was not to take away everything we loved (P&B nites - aka Pizza and Beer nights) but to make small changes to our every day life.
1. I went through our grocery list and started there. First priority was to be sure that we got our fruits and veggies before others.
2. We ate fresh. Fresh fruits for snacks, fresh veggies (LOTS) with dinner). I strive for 3/4 plate of veggies but it ends up being half with 1/4 meat and 1/4 carbs.
3. We stuck to meal times. Breakfast in the morning (UGH - I hate eating in the morning). Because I have such a hard time with breakfast I sometimes make my classic Xpresso Shake - a coffee shake with protein supplement that is fortified and very similar to meal replacement shakes. Q rarely has a hard time eating in the morning, as long as he has his cereal he is good. Lunches are simple and usually leftovers. Dinners are a little different as I try to make enough to eat for that night and the next day for lunch. Or sometimes make enough to remake into something still good but still delish. Other times it is about trying to find the strength to leave some of the leftovers.  Always important, leave yourself leftovers. (4)

I have been going for walks, it started with 1/2 mile. Now I am up to 2 miles walking and jogging the last straightaway. Jogging the straight away is a little tough currently. I'm also trying to work in some strength training to tone.

Overall, I have to say I am so frustrated. 3 years ago I was running 6 miles and currently I cannot even run 1/2 a mile. This is what I chose and I am changing my mind. I screwed around for 2+ years, it's time for NO EXCUSES! And no matter how many times I feel I missed an opportunity, I will try - try - and TRY again. Because....